No One Has to Know It’s Not a Diamond, 2011
One of the nice things back in the days when we changed our e-mail addresses every time our Internet service providers changed ownership or domain was that you got to evade all the e-mail spammer who sent stuff to your old address. Unfortunately, we don't change e-mail addresses as much as we used to, and it doesn't take long for spammers to find their way back to you, especially if your e-mail address is out there in the business media.
I'm at the point where I get as many as five or six hundred junk e-mails every day. Most of them get caught by my spam filter. But I still have to scan through them quickly to make sure client mail hasn't gotten sidetracked into the wrong place.
Some spam is silly, some truly dreadful. Some is simply boring, and some is clearly intended for people with, let's just say, different tastes. It’s like those “starving artist” art shows they used to have at hotels; one gets the impression that there are sweatshops in Romania where there are hundreds of men and women sitting at keyboards trying to come up with spam e-mail titles that people will find intriguing enough to open.
Some of the titles clearly get lost in translation. But one thing you can’t fault them for is burying the lede. Here are just a few from a single day, the mere variety of which makes me wonder just how I ever got on some of these people’s radars:
“IMPORTANT ISSUES TO ATTEND”
“Claim your Social Security check”
“Butts that look awesome”
“Literally put a glassy shine on any surface”
“Compare moving companies now”
“Obama endorses herbal remedies”
“Maria invites you for a chat”
“See the desire in her eyes”
“Find effective psoriasis treatments”
“With the education comes the uniform”
“You have changed”
“Propecia linked to bad injuries”
“This is not a myth”
“Get more out of your love rod”
“Wonder pills for thrills”
“Jailed because of skimpy wear”
“May God almighty be with you if you read this message”
“Want to do Betty Crocker?”
“MPazar Öğretmenler Günü Kampanyası”
“400th anniversary Starbucks coupon”
“1o Things women hate”
A crafty person could have a lot of fun mixing and matching all these titles. I’m too tired, though, so I’m going to bed and drift off to sleep wondering just what Betty Crocker would think of my “love rod” and worry about whether it might be one of the “10 Things women hate.”
I won’t be using any Propecia, by the way. One can’t be too careful.