Texas Never Disappoints.

SoCo - 171, 2009

I’d barely left the Austin airport, driving south towards Wemberley. I turned on the radio looking for some good music or maybe one of those ads for baby chicks. But instead of Townes Van Zandt or Mexican poultry, I find down at the lower end of the FM spectrum the invective-infused world of Alex Jones, self-described “investigative journalist and film maker.” I think it’s safe to add “conspiracy theorist par excellence” to that description.

And you thought televangelists were a colorful lot!

According to Alex, who sounds like Rush Limbaugh, only more self-assured and urgent, if that’s possible, it’s all about something called The New World Order that is going to enslave us all if true Americans don’t get their shit together and fight back. Henry Kissinger’s big in The New World Order. David Rockefeller, too, I’ll bet. And lots of other people Alex refers to confidently and collectively as “they.”

From Alex’ web site I learn that,

“A world government is just the beginning. Once in place they can engage their plan to exterminate 80% of the world's population, while enabling the "elites" to live forever with the aid of advanced technology. The global elite's risen to power by funding dictators and financing the bloodiest wars—creating order out of chaos to pave the way for the first true world empire.”

Still doubting? As I drive down the highway, Alex points out:

“They’re drugging us in the water.”

“They’re forcing us to learn Spanish.”

“They intend to enslave us once they’ve weakened our resolve.”

“The government wants to take your children away from you.”

“They’re putting hormones in the water to sterilize native born women so that elites and immigrants will make up a bigger proportion of the population.”

“Environmentalists are into the occult (when they’re not talking about wanting to kill us).”

“There’s a State Department memo that specifically describes how they want to cause starvation so that American citizens will start fighting with each other and reduce the population.”

“You’re called a racist if you favor abortion here, but oppose it in Africa where they’re pumping out enough little black babies to tilt the world population.”

“Everyone knows they’re keeping stuff from us.”

“We’re no more than a step away from complete socialism.”

Ray from Del Rio calls in to complain that it’s just plain hard for a free white man to get an even break these days.

Alexander from Ontario calls to let Alex know that peace-loving Canadians will take up arms to stop The New World Order when it reaches their border.

Between calls, there are ads for Gruffunder home safes (“the Rolls Royce of safes”) and “survival seed packages” (“If you own your own bread, you’ll never stand in a population-control bread line”).

All this in little more than the ten minutes it took me to find a better station playing, as luck would have it, Townes Van Zandt.

Like I said, Texas never disappoints.