Happy Travelers, 2012
For
those of you who travel frequently, it's no secret that the latest scheme of
airlines is to upsell. That is, after you’ve paid an arm and a leg for the
privilege of sitting in a seat so narrow and so close to the row in front of
you that you feel like your knees are giving the person in front of you a back
massage you get an email from the airline, typically a day before your flight,
offering you the opportunity to buy a better seat, usually one with another
inch of legroom or closer to the front of the plane or in earlier boarding
zone.
I'm
a veteran of boarding Zone 4. I’ve even been in Zone 7. I’ve been in that very
back window seat next to the engine or the bathrooms or where, in the smaller
commuter planes, both of my fists would be outside the fuselage were I to
stretch my arms. I’ve fought the overhead storage bin wars as good as any road
warrior.
Over
the years I’ve learned that you just can’t get upset when air travel doesn’t go
smoothly. Things will go wrong occasionally. They can be mechanical or weather
related or because a crew doesn’t show up. There’s little you can do about these
things. Getting upset is just so much wasted energy. I show up early. I don’t
worry too much about where I’m sitting so long as the people around me are
congenial and I have a book to read once I get to my seat.
My
wife, on the other hand, rarely travels by air and is behind the curve when it
comes to the latest schemes in the sky. She takes airlines at their word, doesn’t
understand why all flights don’t depart, arrive and connect on time, and
wonders what happened to the steaming towels and hot meals.
She
had no idea, therefore, why I could have thought that upgrading to boarding Zone
1 was a gift worthy of the landmark birthday our recent trip to California was
celebrating. For her, this was about as sentimental as buying a new blade for
the lawn mower.
I
mean, really. I paid $86 to be in Zone 1 just to be sure we could board early
enough to stow our modestly sized bags in the overheard storage bin. The seats
were the same cramped rows. Heck, even families traveling with little children and
seniors who “need a little extra time boarding” don’t get to board anymore
until after Zone 2.
By
Zone 3 it’s like rolling dice to see whether you’ll have overhead storage, or
not. People start getting mean in Zone 4. Believe me, I’ve seen sweet little
old ladies turn into Ninja warriors wielding knitting needles over the amount
of overhead space it takes to stow one of those puffy Vera Bradley purses.
Flight attendants know all too well what happens and are nowhere to be seen
when these little skirmishes break out.
It’s
ugly up there in the skies sometime. If someone offers you Zone 1 boarding,
take it and be grateful.
[In
the interest of full disclosure and marital peace, Mrs. B was completely appreciative of my chivalrous gesture after watching people fight for overhead space on our first flight.]
Posts
I share Hassan's sentiment. Great blog ever! Best of luck.
ReplyDeleteHahaaaa! Laughing out loud here at Walt.
ReplyDeleteI am now considered "priority access" because I have so many damn miles. I used to think the whole first class/priority access stuff was elitist crap, but now that I am one, I love the hell out of it. I wait in shorter lines, I get to board earlier, and now--I tell myself, and honestly DO believe it--I've earned it, suckers!
Haaaaa. And, oh, yes--great blog ever! Best of luck.
I actually rush to reserve that very back window seat when travelling alone, particularly on long flights. It has its advantages, including no back massages from the knees or feet or slamming tray-tables or overly enthusiastic channel changers behind me. In other words: it reduces from four to merely two the total number of seatmates I'll have any possibility of direct contact with. Plus, no one ever WANTS to sit in that row, so the odds are high that the middle seat in that row will be one of the last to sell, and it often is. My misanthropic math thus reduces the seat-count down to good odds it will only be the guy directly in front of me, who will just have to put up with me changing the channels with gusto. Plus, there's space behind the seat for storing things, and, with headphones and the window seat, it's easy to ignore the chaos in the aisle -- one or two seats away -- as the flight attendants try to break through the lines of people queuing for the toilet under the sign that says to keep the aisle clear . . . .
ReplyDelete